Daducation
This episode featuring Andy Love is about all things “Dad” and the vital role fathers play in their kids’ lives! Mothers are equally important, but each parent’s role and parenting style is different. Anyone who claims otherwise has not spent 10 minutes on planet earth!!
Andy Love, a father of seven, reminds us that parenting, like anything worth doing, will take everything you can give and more. Despite what modern culture says, dads matter emotionally and practically to their kids.
The statistics are staggering regarding fatherless homes: they represent a larger portion of homeless kids, kids who commit suicide, high school dropouts, and youth in prison. You name the societal ill, and oftentimes you find broken homes and absent fathers.
Ok, so we agree dads are important, but being a good father is not always easy! After all, if you’re going to love somebody unconditionally, you’re going to make a decision to do what is best for them, whether you get anything out of it or not. You have to be present through good times and bad, and you must take a genuine interest in your kids. Fatherhood is fundamentally a giving and not a taking.
What are some practical things we can do as father figures? I think we should try and start by practicing what we preach. Sometimes that is easier said than done! However, we can try our best to model and show our kids the values and actions that are important. Children never stop observing. They are constantly watching what we do and taking cues from their parents.
Another thing we can do is to remember that quantity time is quality time. You’ve got to be present. A lot of us are technically present but functionally absent because we are distracted. Studies have shown myriad benefits when fathers are involved, affectionate, and supportive. This is called “authoritative parenting”, and this has been shown to improve cognitive and social development, an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence, more resilience, and better emotional control.
Another key thing for fathers to do is to allow our kids to know that we all make mistakes and that it’s okay. However, how do we handle it when we make a mistake? We own it, we’re accountable, and we try to do better next time. We need more and better examples of people taking ownership of their actions and holding themselves accountable.
A dad also needs to help set boundaries and establish rules. Too often parents want to be friends with their kids. That’s not what parenting is about. One of the most important words a child can hear is “no.” You are not going to bruise their ego or their self-esteem; quite the contrary. If they don’t hear “no” and you don’t establish good boundaries, you are doing your kids a disservice. Remember, be future-oriented: you’re not trying to raise happy, well-adjusted kids; you’re trying to raise happy, well-adjusted adults.
Finally, embrace your authority as a dad and as a parent. Use it. Wield it well and with the responsibility that comes with the role. Have a plan and basic rules for your family. You owe it to yourself and to those that you’re responsible for shepherding to have rules and a plan for your family. Grow with your kids. As they’re changing, you can grow and change, too. Remember; it’s never too late to change course. Our past actions do not have to define us. We can grow and evolve as fathers.