The Importance of True Connection with Dr. Christine Carter

Christine Carter recently joined us on Parenting for the Present to talk about her new book, The New Adolescence. The genesis of the book came from Christine watching the trends in anxiety and depression while simultaneously fielding lots of questions from parents about how best to help kids manage all the pressures, distractions, and rapid changes in society, technology, and social media. Christine realized modern adolescence has become very different from the one we knew, and thus our parenting needs to adapt and become different than our parents’ parenting.

Christine argues that the best predictor of happiness and well-being is the opposite of what modern society breeds: loneliness, materialism, and insecurity. Rather, the best predictor of happiness and well-being is the breadth and depth of real-life social connections. Kids need to reconnect to themselves, their families, their peers and friends, and their purpose in this ever-changing world.

How do we best help our kids and remain influential in our kids’ lives?  Christine says we should shift from being a manager to a “life coach”.  In the process, we should show our kids unconditional love and affection, teach and model good stress management techniques and relationship skills, help them have a sense of control over their lives, learn how to deal with discomfort, and feel connected to something larger than themselves.  She outlines in the book practical and sound ways to be a “life coach”. If we embrace this new role of coach and way of being with our kids, parenting becomes much more fun!  

Christine also points out that happiness for our kids isn’t the right goal. The goal should be connection: helping our kids truly know themselves so they can find their place in this world and connect to the needs of others, and helping them shift from self-preoccupation into a place of fellowship and kinship with others. A truly worthy goal indeed!