Parenting in a Pandemic: Uncertainty as a Parenting Tool
Okay, so you got past the title of this blog . . . good. That you are still reading means that you, like me, have spoken the words, “I don’t know” and have had the feeling that you were somehow less than as a parent. When I become aware of that feeling, I wonder, “How am I to be certain of anything for myself or my child?” And, in the year 2020, uncertainty was the mainstay.
In a recent exchange with my 17-year-old son, I have been thinking about uncertainty and parenting:
My son, Alex, and I were talking about his senior year in high school and what to do when he graduates. His answer, “I don’t know” wasn’t just an adolescent trigger response to the parental inquiry … it was an honest “I don’t know.” Internally I was going through my normal emotional process, starting with “How could you not know?! School is all you’ve been doing!!! You have to know!!!” But, in reality, I am not sure what I would do if I was in his shoes. Uncertainty raised its (formerly) ugly head.
“I don’t know” does not have to be an end-point but a starting point in our parenting. It’s okay not to be all-knowing and all-powerful as a parent. Actually, allowing our children to see that we are managing our life with vulnerability can be one of the most powerful lessons our children receive from us. Our kids will inherit a far more complex world than you and I received when we were their age. We can partner with our children to see the future together.
I invite you to consider this brief assessment: How do you handle uncertainty culturally with an ongoing pandemic, economic strife, and necessary social transformation? What are the words that you use with your kids about death, dying, change, divorce, family concerns and differences between people? How do treat yourself (yes, YOU) when things are uncertain? Do you speak words of grace and forgiveness to yourself when you feel pinched, stressed, and/or overwhelmed?
When you are pinched, stressed and/or overwhelmed, repeat this to yourself: I am enough! I am doing enough! I have all the resources I need within to handle anything that comes my way.